I know I’m not the only one out there who wants for their child a better upbringing then their own. Not that everyone had a tough childhood, but everyone can point to things and be cognizant of raising your child differently. Things that you went through that you don’t want your child to go through.
One of the things I’ve always been pretty adamant about is that I wouldn’t push Will to do any activity simply because it’s something I like. Both of my parents rode horses, we had a horse farm, and there was no real choice for me as a toddler Will’s age and even younger—I was going to learn to ride.
And I did. And yes, I like/liked to ride. But being in a horse business, riding became more of a necessity than a hobby. The pressure to ride well, train horses and succeed became a constant in my life. The aspect of riding as a recreational hobby or therapeutic pastime took a back seat to the perhaps well meaning, but misguided attempts by my mother to make me into a better and better rider. The horses got more and more difficult, and dangerous to ride, the injuries more frequent, and I stopped riding. (Despite a four year college degree in, yes, horses).
In the end, the constant pressure from a sports parent had been too much for me. It had made me too aware of being better, getting results, and having an all or nothing approach to how I rode. It had taken away my ability to simply ride for the fun of it. And so I have two of my old horses, who live at my house, and are more like big dogs who eat a lot than riding companions. One has not been ridden in years. The other is ridden sporadically. (I’m working on this, but that part is really a story for another day.)
How does this relate to Will? Well, fast forward to the other day when Will came with me to give the horses apples.
“I want to ride on her Mommy,” he told me as giggled when he felt one of the horses lips tickle his hand.
“Not today Willie,” I brushed him off.
I’d always been adamant that my own child would not be pushed to ride. Now he is asking to ride. My own emotional baggage surrounding children riding is at the front of my mind. I don’t want him to go through what I went through. But on the other hand I don’t want to keep him from something he might enjoy.
So here is the million dollar question, how do we as parents put our own stuff aside, let our little ones try out new activities, and look at this from a fresh, present day perspective without being colored by the past?
Go for it Lara
Our children do not come here as a blank slate. They have innate desires and needs that we may never understand, who knows if riding a horse is something Willie is supposed to do. What we do know is that horses are amazing animals. They are huge and awesome and precious and certainly a relationship with one created by physically riding and communicating with him/her would benefit your son. Your stuff aside, I can imagine learning to ride a horse must give a child a level of confidence and understanding that is priceless, wouldn't you say?
This is coming from a person who has never had a pet bigger than a bunny, of course.
I say you listen to Willie and let him try it out and see if it's something he would like to do again...He's so small still, who knows what tricks he has up his sleeve!
GOOD LUCK!
Past fears are hard.
You really need to listen to Willie. Gauge if he really wants to ride or only wants it because he thinks you want it. This is different but relevant. I am deadly afraid of snakes because when I was a kid, I ran though some bushes and had one latch onto my jeans. But, when my daughter was little, she used to pluck them out of the rock wall at our house. It used to repulse me. However, I decided I could not pass my fear onto to her. So, I let her do it from a distance. They were just grass snakes and couldn't really hurt her. I just stayed as far as possible from them while keeping a watchful eye on her. It was the same with my son, who now owns a snake, As long as they keep them away from me, I guess it's their decision to make. I firmly believe you can't pass your own issues to your children. They are pretty wise in what they like. If Willy seems to really want something, let him try it as long as it's safe.